21 Weeks

 

Thanks Aunt Megan for the (picky) pictures! :) 

 Yes, the belly has officially POPPED!

How far along? 21 Weeks. This summer is flying by! I cannot imagine how fast the last few months will go by when school starts again. 

Maternity clothes? 1/2 and 1/2. Thank goodness for Summer. I am definitely going maternity shopping this week. My belly has popped a lot this week.
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: The past few nights I have been waking up feeling quite uncomfortable in my stomach. Lots of pressure, which means I have been tossing and turning a lot.
Miss Anything? Wine. I promise I'm not a lush, but I did enjoy a glass of red wine to relax every now and then. The summer is making me miss it more.
Movement: Oh my goodness! This girl has been going crazy! I am so excited that we get to see her again on Tuesday. I can only imagine the somersaults she will be doing, dancing around for us on the sonogram.
Food cravings: Chips and salsa again. This week my goal is to get back on the paleo wagon. Headed to the grocery store tomorrow.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Raw meat. Stink... my gag reflex is still at an all time high.
Gender:  Baby GIRL!!!
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: Some pains. I am attributing them to growing pains. Lots of stretching going on. I am hoping this growth spurt is the cause of the restlessness during the night and will cease soon. I am hopeful...
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: So happy! This week has been great! Lots of exciting things took place in Little Girl's room. We got a few pieces of her bedding from my inlaws. It is so fun to walk in and see some color in her crib and think about a little baby laying in there. I cannot wait!

Best moment this week: Daddy got to feel her kick!!!!! :) For weeks I have been laying his hands on my stomach while we've been watching TV but he couldn't feel anything. But this week she was VERY active and he got to feel her twice. All of the sudden, "Whoa!" He felt it and started giggling uncontrollably! He couldn't stop for like 5 minutes. So there we were Tom giggling and me crying! I couldn't help it. I was just so happy he finally could feel our little girl and experience the gift I have been feeling for weeks. It makes it so real, to know, and feel what she is doing in there. This was the best moment so far in the pregnancy!
Looking forward to: Tuesday's appointment! Tuesday will mark 3 weeks from the original diagnosis of Baby Girl's VSDs on her heart. We will get to see her again in a sonogram and they will be able to check and see if the tears have healed. If not we will check back again in another 3 weeks. Over the past few weeks I have had such a peace about this. I can feel your prayers over our girl and have truly felt God's grace and been able to appreciate each day and see it as a gift. Thank you for all of the love and support. 

This Sunday Tom, my sister and I will leave for my Aunt's lake house in Pennsylvania. We are anxious to get away and spend some time relaxing before the school year takes off. This will be our girl's 2nd plane ride and my Aunt got us special seating due to a certain pregnancy! :) Hey, I'll take it! 

We will be soaking in the last few weeks of summer here in this house! The school year is quickly approaching. And my anxiety is rising... many, many changes this year on top of pregnancy. Good thing I love my job! Happy Summer Y'all!

20 Weeks: Halfway

 Some rather LARGE views from the top...

How far along? 20 Weeks!!! 

Total weight gain: 8 lbs. Maybe a bit more.
Maternity clothes? 1/2 and 1/2. Thank goodness for Summer. I have been lounging around in workout clothes and Daddy's basketball shorts. (Hence the lack of full body belly shot) The break and the heat don't provide many opportunities to get all gussied up. I will be on the hunt for some back to school maternity wear soon.
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: I am actually sleeping really well still! Started trying to sleep on my left side has been a bit of a challenge. As an avid "back sleeper" I usually wake flat on my back.
Miss Anything? Margaritas. It just sounds so refreshing on these hot summer nights. Fro yo and coconut milk ice cream have been filling that void.
Movement: More and more! I feel so lucky to have already felt her move this far in the pregnancy. She is crazy right after dinners and after anything sweet. I love feeling her little feet kick softly against my stomach... I know eventually these flutters will turn into drop kicks to the ribs! I can't help but smile imagining her tumbling around :)
Food cravings: Sweets. I am usually not a sweets eater, more of a salty girl, but this week I have been wanting the sugar. Last night I made some delicious Paleo dark chocolate banana bread! So delicious.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Raw meat. Stink... my gag reflex is still at an all time high.
Gender:  Baby GIRL!!!
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: Some pains. I am attributing them to growing pains. My doctor said so far everything was still below the belly button at week 19 but I am starting to feel the stretching again.
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: This has been a great week! I am so happy and getting more and more excited to meet this baby bird! I love getting to know her and feel like her personality is showing already through her crazy acrobats. Get ready daddy... we've got a wild one!
Looking forward to: The bedding coming in! My AMAZING in- laws spoiled us with buying our entire bedding set from Pottery Barn! It was on back order until the end of this month so each day I have been waiting for a call or for the doorbell to ring. I cannot wait to put it in the crib! Then we can start planning all of the fun details. Girls are so much fun!

 (Got some new chalkboard pens :) 

I love that at Week  20 she has started to hear! What an Amazing God we have!

Best moment this week: My first chalk paint experience! After daddy went to work the animals and I started painting baby girl's dresser and rocking chair. Both pieces were a laminate wood which would not adhere with a regular gloss paint and after researching, chalk paint was the only solution. Both just need a sealant coat and they are finished! :) 

On multiple occasions I have been doing something in the kitchen and Tom disappears. I find him in the nursery. When I ask him what he's doing he responds, "Just looking around admiring." So sweet... what a good daddy! And I am no different. I walk in at least a dozen times a day whether to just look or to sit in the rocking chair praying for you or reading. We cannot wait to meet you sweet girl!  

My sister put on her big girl pants and went to register at Buy Buy Baby with me this week. Holy moly.... talk about overwhelming. There were no break downs or stress induced diarrhea which both happened to friends, but there was many feelings floating around with a side order of hormones. There are just SO many options. So after 2 1/2 hours of standing, walking and scanning, we treated ourselves to some delicious Mexican food and all was well. It is so fun to think about a pink squishy baby in all of that fun stuff.

Hello sneaky kitty! Tucker thinks the changing pad is his own personal bed.

We go back to the specialist next Tuesday, the 24th. It will have been 3 weeks since they saw the VSDs on her heart. And we are praying big that they have healed. We trust in God's plan for our sweet girl and for our family and for the outcome. In every moment like this that we have experienced in the past year, year and half, I am ever so thankful for the love of Jesus. When I succumb to feelings of doubt and try to take on the worry myself, it is so freeing to give it to God and know that I do not need to worry. It has already been decided! And in all circumstances Tom and I give thanks for this gift we have been given! 

One detail has already been added in the nursery. (Gotta love Pinterest ideas & chalkboard paint)

Baby Girl, 

Do you know how loved you are already? You have so many people praying for your growth, and for God to heal your tiny heart. There are so many people who are waiting anxiously to squeeze and snuggle you. You are one spoiled girl already. Not only by me and your daddy but by the entire family. Each time someone comes to visit there is usually a little surprise for you. Your daddy loves you so much. He is so proud of your room so far, beaming with pride when your crib was finally set up. He wants only the best for you already, thinking of your safety while you sleep. We cannot wait to see you again next Tuesday and see how much you have grown. We love you Baby Bird!

I cannot wait to see those baby buns in those sweet ruffles. Thanks Aunt Megan! (for the blankie too!)

Zebra lovey... LOVEY! From Grandma and the Sweet Hat from Aunt Christie.

LOVE shopping for little girls! :)

19 Weeks

How far along? 19 Weeks

Total weight gain: 8 lbs. Updated at the last doctor's appointment. I like the Dr's scale better :)
Maternity clothes? 1/2 and 1/2. Pre pregnancy clothes are getting a bit tighter, and I may have to break down and buy my own maternity pants, especially since school is coming up.
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: I am actually sleeping really well. Now in the middle of the 2nd trimester I do not feel the nap everyday. Although I am not waking up early for school. Sleeping in until 8:30 or 9 everyday is quite nice. I am loving the summertime.
Best moment this week: Painting the nursery, buying and setting up the crib but most of all seeing the look on Tom's face when it was all set up in the room! :) Next on the schedule... re painting the dresser. It will be my first painting experience with chalk paint.
Miss Anything? Iced coffee. I am drinking some decaf drinks when I am craving Starbucks.
Movement: Oh yeah! This girl is a mover and a shaker! She is definitely a jumping bean. Hopefully Tom will be able to feel it on the outside, he may be a little jealous.
Food cravings: Anything crunchy. Chips and salsa for sure. I am into sandwiches right now. I am trying not to eat too many, and if I do I am heating the meat up. Trying hard to make paleo meals at home.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Raw meat. Stink... my gag reflex is still at an all time high.
Gender:  Baby GIRL!!!
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: Some Round Ligment pains. If I sit in one position for too long and then move, there are some small pains. But they are short and not bad.
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Not moody, per say..just emotional.  Friday was bad. I was tired and for no reason started to feel really moody. I didn't want Tom to go to work and felt lonely. I watched the vow, which made things worse and then had a good cry when the movie was over, then it was time to put this preggo to bed. I was fine the next morning. Silly hormones!
Looking forward to: Putting the fun decor in the nursery. Now that the crib and painting is finished, we can do the fun stuff. I am excited to start thinking about the decor. I am having a ball cruising pinterest and etsy for ideas. I love little girls! 

Especially this Baby Bird! :) 

Dear Baby Bird,

Okay silly mama has a confession to make about this bib. I have had this bib for about 2 1/2 years. I actually bought it for my girlfriend when she found out she was having a girl, but I could not bring myself to give it away. So I tucked it away in a box. Somehow it made its way to my Kindergarten classroom, stayed there for a year and then was tucked away after last summer with your brother. I anxiously awaited seeing it again when we found out we were pregnant with you in March.  My fingers traced over the stitching and beautiful words, thinking how special it would be to raise a daughter. I am so blessed, Baby Girl, you have my heart already. I feel our bond growing each time I feel you moving around inside my tummy. And I am only feeling a fraction of your somersaults so far.  You are going to be one lucky girl.

Mommy and Daddy love you so much! :) 

Happy 19 Weeks.

It's all about Perspective

We had been anxiously awaiting our 18 week gender, anatomy appointment with our specialist. We were told that with a good view we would find out FOR SURE if our baby bird was a girl or a boy. Each appointment brings a new set of nerves and feelings, and I find myself constantly surrendering those thoughts minute by minute on the day of the appointment. 

My nerves we put at ease when that sweet body popped on the sono screen moving more than she ever had before. As we watched her dance all across the screen, twisting and turning away from the sonographer they were measuring each part of her little body. A spread eagle view confirmed, in fact, that she is a..... BABY GIRL! Not very lady like, but it left no guessing so we were very happy. 

The first 40 minutes were full of great news, everything is measuring right on track. But the last few minutes took a turn which we did not see coming. When the specialist was looking at a close up of Baby Girl's heart she saw a minor complication. There were two little tears in the muscle between the chambers of her heart. They are called Muscular VSDs (ventricular septal defects). When she started talking and I heard a heart complication my mind raced back to last summer when we sat in the same room, with the same doctor, and received news that was hard to hear. She reassured us that she was confident that the tears would heal themselves and not to worry. Easier said than done...

Tom could not be at the appointment due to a rescheduled firearms training, so after the appointment I was left driving and was all alone. Alone with my thoughts, my worst enemy. I reached the car barely holding it together, and then fell apart. There was something wrong with our baby's heart. The tears flowed and the dark memories of last summer haunted my thoughts. Then I remembered the hope I have and that God is completely in control. Each and every turn is already planned out, there are no surprises. So in the midst of the burning tears, I prayed and I surrendered it all. There was no point in trying to think about the what ifs and what could bes... or being in my own thoughts, so I gave it all to God and PRAYED.... and then the tears stopped. Not the kind where you're left with a few stragglers, but they abruptly stopped and there was peace. I rested in knowing that I am not in control. 

If there is anything that God has taught me and that I have learned from the struggles of the past year it is that it is all about perspective, how you look at things. I could choose to focus on the difficult news or choose to focus on the positives. 

Here's to perspective...

• We WILL deliver a baby girl this November. 
• We WILL have a daughter (goosebumps)
• Her heart IS beating, it just needs to grow a bit stronger. Keep doing those handstands Baby Girl and strengthen those muscles. 
• Her kidneys ARE healthy :) The best news! 
• She IS a mover, I feel her move multiple times throughout the day. She would not sit still for the sonographer.

It is a daily battle, a daily sacrifice surrendering it all to God. I want to make it better but there is nothing I can do that is in my control. And to be honest; I feel freedom in that. It is all about the perspective. 


Please join me in praying for our sweet daughter. Pray for healing. That the Muscular VSDs would heal and the tiny tears will disappear in the next sonogram. We go back to the specialist in 3 weeks to see if the tears have healed. If not, they will wait another 3 weeks, and after those 6 weeks if the tears are still visible we will be sent to a cardiologist. There is power in prayer. Please join us in praying for healing. Thank you sweet friends. We love you! 

Tom, Katie and Baby Girl

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Update: We went to our monthly appointment with our OB and she was able to go over the specialist's report in detail and give us a copy of the report and more information about the VSDs. She said that she believes the tears will heal on their own. We went in for our half way, gender reveal, appointment at 18 weeks which is really not halfway. She said because this was a bit early and if we would have waited the tears may have never showed up at 20 weeks because this would allow further development. Some doctors will not do these appointments until 22 weeks for this reason, small defects show up in the earlier stages causing worry, which would have been avoided with a later appointment. 

The OB also said that similar, or more severe tears show up in certain cases where babies may have disorders such as Down Syndrome or Trisonomy 13, but we tested 100% negative for each of these syndromes which also leads her to believe that the muscle requires further development. More good news. 

Everything else in the heart is healthy. Four chambers, the blood flow is perfect. The muscle just needs to heal. We believe in healing around here folks :) 

Baby girls heartbeat was strong, and she was doing all she could to dodge that heart rate wand. She's a mover :) We love you sweet girl.

Baby Bird: 18 weeks

At 13 weeks my new doctor sent us back to the specialist we went to last summer. There are no concerns, they just work closely together and my OB was out of the office. It was so special to be able to visit her and the office again for a celebratory appointment rather than going with the haunting thought that our baby wasn't going to survive. Dr. Hickman is amazing! She remembered us and was so happy to see us again and celebrate our exciting news.

We were so anxious to go into this appointment because the doctor told us they may be able to give us an early gender prediction. Excitement was at an all time high, until I sat down to get my blood pressure taken. Then the memories from that exact office from last summer came into the forefront of my mind. Especially when we walked into the sonogram room, which I swore to Tom, was the same room. (I still believe it was, he would call me crazy!) I prayed for calming peace. 

All nerves ceased when this sweet face appeared on the screen! :) This was such a special moment, because it was Tom's first time to see our baby. He had SWAT school on our 8 week appointment. I would say it was true love... I love seeing pregnancy though a father's eyes. Although he can be pretty tight lipped sometimes :) 

After hearing that we may be able to see the goods for a gender prediction, my close friend told me to drink a sugary drink before our appointment so the baby would be moving around a lot. So I did just that... I chugged a large glass of orange juice on the way to the Dr. Well it worked, sweet baby was standing on its head when the image appeared on the screen. As a Crossfit Mom, I'd like to say they were merely handstand pushups in the womb. It was the neatest thing to watch that little body move all around, because with Baby H. we didn't see this at all. So our dreams were coming true.

 Check out this Jumping Bean.

                                  

After showing us the good news, that so far we had a healthy baby, the sonographer and Dr. Hickman predicted that we will be having a (this far: HEALTHY) baby.............

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GIRL! 

Of course Tom's response... what is the percentage of your prediction?

Dr: 95-96%

Tom: What is your batting average on your predictions?

Dr: 94% I keep a spreadsheet....

Love it!!!! It was so fun to celebrate a positive appointment! 

So of course they told us, don't buy anything. It's just a prediction.... yeah sure.

It has been so fun to imagine and plan for a daughter. I just can't help myself. Tom has been there to pull in the reins. But with help, or inspiration from Pinterest, he has little power.

  

A few finds for the nursery. LOVE 1/2 Price Books! 

My sister has helped fullfill my lifelong dream of learning how to sew, and we have been going a bit crazy hunting down JoAnns and Hobby Lobby coupons for fabric to make the adorable burp cloths. She made some "manly" girl burp cloths so Tom wouldn't feel too left out. Megan is going to be the best auntie! :)

 

Just a few bows to decorate that sweet baby head! Some flowers are pre made and bought but I have been working to make some of my own. The felt flowers are home made. (Again, LOVE Pinterest)

I fell in LOVE with this onesie set above from Carter's, pinned it on Pinterest....

and then almost peed my pregnant panties when I saw it hanging in Buy Buy Baby. 

A must have... the other onesie says Mommy Loves You. 

Do you see that heart on the butt?!?

 

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 18 Weeks Pregnant:

How far along? 18 Weeks

Total weight gain: up 6 lbs. (hadn't gained any weight between my last two appointments, one month apart)
Maternity clothes? a few pieces, still loving the Bella Band and "Pre Weight Loss Clothes"
Sleep: training myself to sleep on my side still, I am usually an on the back snoozer
Best moment this week: Feeling her kick for the first time. 17 weeks! She usually is moving, or I am more aware, after dinner when I relaxing on the couch! So fun :)
Miss Anything? Iced Coffee... it was my summer go to last year. Red Wine. I'm sticking with decaf and sonic drinks!
Movement: First Kick- 17 weeks! Sweet tapping. Hoping for more soon.
Food cravings: I don't have too big of an appetite, eating because I need to. I am craving crunchy though. Tacos & chips. Definitely not Paleo but I'm trying to get better.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Raw meat.
Gender: Girl
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy & EXCITED to say the least!
Looking forward to: Tuesday's appointment. They will tell us for sure if it is a girl or not. Starting to set up the nursery. Tom is reining me in, keeping me distracted until Tuesday's appointment. After Tuesday, we are hitting the ground running

 Check out that baby bump... 

(after a fun filled baby shower for a friend and dinner out)

growing WAY faster than last time, and we couldn't be more excited!

We love you Baby Girl!

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And next on the crafting agenda.... a bow holder like this beauty!

Do y'all love Pinterest as much as I do?!? 

It has seriously revolutionzed my world.... well atleast my plans for Baby Girl's nursery.

Bittersweet

This Father's Day we are celebrating a healthy pregnancy, a growing baby and the many happy days we have had so far this go round. But June 17th last year was a day of great sadness as we said goodbye to our baby boy much, much too soon. It is hard to believe that one entire year has passed since we got to meet our son, and tried to grasp each second we held him before he went home to heaven.

The past 365 days have been some of the hardest of my life and the most trying days in our marriage. While there have been many tears, questions asking "why?" and wrestling with the acceptance of God's plan it is undeniable that God has been with us every step of the way. Our God is so rich in mercy and has never left our side. Grieving is messy... it is not smooth. There is not one day where I have felt the same as the day before. There are lows, lots of lows, days where I feel almost guilty for enjoying myself but I have a peace in knowing that I can't hide any of these feelings from God. He knows it all, if I can't find the words to pray He knows and He is faithful.

He has put so many people in our paths that have had a specific purpose in our healing. Whether they have acted as a friend to listen, a home group to pray for us, a church body to worship with and in some intentional situations or people's circumstances we have been able to see a glimpse of God's indescribable power. And although I long to hold that sweet baby I know that His intentions were clear, to draw me closer to Him. The past year has been hard, it has made me a member of a club I would wish on no one. But being in the "club" you experience a love so powerful, grace so rich in mercy that I have felt lucky to have the opportunity to feel that connection. What a completely different place we are in than June 17th last year.

Each day still brings a mix of emotions, but today I feel blessed. Singing praises in church and longing for the day with no more tears, where Tom and I will reunite with our boy. What a sweet, sweet day that will be.

Worshiping God does not require that we understand or approve of what God has allowed into our lives; it simply requires a heart that desires to trust God and a will that is bent toward obedience to God regardless of our feelings.     One Year Book of Hope; Nancy Guthrie

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In Memory of Baby H. 

June 17th, 2011

 

After losing Baby H. our families had talked about doing something to remember our son. There was talk about it then as the grieving began it didn't resurface for a bit. My mom and I talked about how a tree would be nice to plant in our yard, since we had just bought our first home. I have always loved Magnolia trees. There blooms are beautiful. So about 2 months ago my mom and dad surprised us with a small Magnolia seedling. Before the Texas heat was turned on full blast Tom and my dad planted that beauty in the ground. 

I wanted there to be purpose behind the location of our tree, somewhere we would see it often. A daily celebration and remembrance. We decided to plant it on our side yard, outside our kitchen window where we look out multiple times a day. It now makes doing the dishes a bit more enjoyable, thinking about our sweet boy. 

 Just a baby tree here...

I had never researched our looked into Magnolia trees, I just recognized their beauty and had seen them flourish here in Texas, which meant they could survive the summers. After she was planted in the yard I googled the symbolism of a Magnolia tree... 

 Well of course we think of Julia Roberts in the movie Steel Magnolias which then stated; a "steel magnolia" is a popular phrase denoting the strength a Southern woman possesses. This past year has made me realize and truly believe that I am strong, and God's strength lives in me. I never felt like I was strong before. A Magnolia tree's energies help to strengthen and activate the heart, it is the center of idealism, love and healing. A Magnolia reminds us to be true to our ideals and our heart, no matter the pressure upon us. 

I love everything about this. Those words are a perfect testimony to our past year. 

So as we look back on the trying times, this tree, our Baby H reminds us that God is God. 

Mothers

Mother's Day was such a blessing. We got to spend Mother's Day with both sides of the family. I feel so blessed to have been raised by such a God fearing woman who instilled the values that I will pass onto my own children. My mom has turned into my best friend and has been a huge support and constant in my life as the past year has brought its struggles and heartache.

Each holiday brings an overwhelming array of emotions, and this Mother's Day was the same. I am celebrating each day and cherishing every second this sweet baby is growing inside of me, but a part of me is still aching to love on our sweet baby boy. The Thursday before Mother's Day I got to fellowship with my Hopeful Hearts Group ladies at Mimi's. We got to talk and celebrate exciting news and talk about open heartaches. I love that I have a group of ladies who understand my path and every emotion, even if our walks are different. Each struggle and ounce of sadness I have experienced makes each day a celebration, and that much sweeter.

At the Village Church, the Mother's Day sermon was exactly what I needed to hear. I love that on a day that celebrates mothers our pastor acknowledged woman who are struggling to become mothers and those woman in waiting. A verse was shared from Genesis that states, The man called his wife's name Eve, because she was the mother of all living. Genesis 3:20. He spoke about how each woman carries the nurturing spirit of Eve like a mother. And even if a woman is in a period of waiting, they still obtain that motherly spirit. I absolutely loved this! It gave me such hope although my period of waiting is different now, waiting anxiously for each appointment and each look at a healthy, growing baby.

In the same sermon we were working in the book of Romans talking about suffering; Romans 8:17 We suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him. In a period where suffering still comes and goes I am able to look back on last summer and see God's mercy in those awful days. We talked about how God's sole purpose is not to make you happy but to give us eternal joy. Sorrow now, but a life of eternal joy. Oh, how I am waiting anxiously for that day, where there is no more sorrow. I loved hearing this, "It is not cruel for God to let something happen to you that destroys your own self reliance. It is not cruel, but an act of mercy." In my lowest moments this may not have been what I wanted to hear, but now it gives such hope. There is such freedom knowing that I am not in control. I am celebrating God's mercy, each day! 

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers and mothers in waiting.