It's all about Perspective

We had been anxiously awaiting our 18 week gender, anatomy appointment with our specialist. We were told that with a good view we would find out FOR SURE if our baby bird was a girl or a boy. Each appointment brings a new set of nerves and feelings, and I find myself constantly surrendering those thoughts minute by minute on the day of the appointment. 

My nerves we put at ease when that sweet body popped on the sono screen moving more than she ever had before. As we watched her dance all across the screen, twisting and turning away from the sonographer they were measuring each part of her little body. A spread eagle view confirmed, in fact, that she is a..... BABY GIRL! Not very lady like, but it left no guessing so we were very happy. 

The first 40 minutes were full of great news, everything is measuring right on track. But the last few minutes took a turn which we did not see coming. When the specialist was looking at a close up of Baby Girl's heart she saw a minor complication. There were two little tears in the muscle between the chambers of her heart. They are called Muscular VSDs (ventricular septal defects). When she started talking and I heard a heart complication my mind raced back to last summer when we sat in the same room, with the same doctor, and received news that was hard to hear. She reassured us that she was confident that the tears would heal themselves and not to worry. Easier said than done...

Tom could not be at the appointment due to a rescheduled firearms training, so after the appointment I was left driving and was all alone. Alone with my thoughts, my worst enemy. I reached the car barely holding it together, and then fell apart. There was something wrong with our baby's heart. The tears flowed and the dark memories of last summer haunted my thoughts. Then I remembered the hope I have and that God is completely in control. Each and every turn is already planned out, there are no surprises. So in the midst of the burning tears, I prayed and I surrendered it all. There was no point in trying to think about the what ifs and what could bes... or being in my own thoughts, so I gave it all to God and PRAYED.... and then the tears stopped. Not the kind where you're left with a few stragglers, but they abruptly stopped and there was peace. I rested in knowing that I am not in control. 

If there is anything that God has taught me and that I have learned from the struggles of the past year it is that it is all about perspective, how you look at things. I could choose to focus on the difficult news or choose to focus on the positives. 

Here's to perspective...

• We WILL deliver a baby girl this November. 
• We WILL have a daughter (goosebumps)
• Her heart IS beating, it just needs to grow a bit stronger. Keep doing those handstands Baby Girl and strengthen those muscles. 
• Her kidneys ARE healthy :) The best news! 
• She IS a mover, I feel her move multiple times throughout the day. She would not sit still for the sonographer.

It is a daily battle, a daily sacrifice surrendering it all to God. I want to make it better but there is nothing I can do that is in my control. And to be honest; I feel freedom in that. It is all about the perspective. 


Please join me in praying for our sweet daughter. Pray for healing. That the Muscular VSDs would heal and the tiny tears will disappear in the next sonogram. We go back to the specialist in 3 weeks to see if the tears have healed. If not, they will wait another 3 weeks, and after those 6 weeks if the tears are still visible we will be sent to a cardiologist. There is power in prayer. Please join us in praying for healing. Thank you sweet friends. We love you! 

Tom, Katie and Baby Girl

*********************************************************************************

Update: We went to our monthly appointment with our OB and she was able to go over the specialist's report in detail and give us a copy of the report and more information about the VSDs. She said that she believes the tears will heal on their own. We went in for our half way, gender reveal, appointment at 18 weeks which is really not halfway. She said because this was a bit early and if we would have waited the tears may have never showed up at 20 weeks because this would allow further development. Some doctors will not do these appointments until 22 weeks for this reason, small defects show up in the earlier stages causing worry, which would have been avoided with a later appointment. 

The OB also said that similar, or more severe tears show up in certain cases where babies may have disorders such as Down Syndrome or Trisonomy 13, but we tested 100% negative for each of these syndromes which also leads her to believe that the muscle requires further development. More good news. 

Everything else in the heart is healthy. Four chambers, the blood flow is perfect. The muscle just needs to heal. We believe in healing around here folks :) 

Baby girls heartbeat was strong, and she was doing all she could to dodge that heart rate wand. She's a mover :) We love you sweet girl.