The Utmost Thanks

 Bless the Lord, O my soul

O my soul

Worship His holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning

It's time to sing Your song again

Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me

Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name
Lord, I'll worship Your holy name

Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name
Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name
I'll worship Your holy name

I wrote about our Girl's heart in a past blog post, and this Tuesday we went to our 3 week follow up appointment with the specialist to check on her heart. We had been praying for peace and healing and that we would not see those nasty VSDs on our sweet baby's heart when she popped up on the screen. Unfortunately the tears were still there on the heart between the left and right side. 

Last appointment I felt the wind knocked out of me upon receiving the news, with flashbacks to last summer. But this time there was no sadness, but a peace. A peace in knowing that our God knows the path for our daughter. There was no stress of what if this happens or that, but a trusting in the news and knowing God's plan is better than the one we had for ourselves. And come on, who could be sad when they just showed us a sonogram of a dancing baby girl and a sweet 4 cm baby foot?!? 


The Lord's promise was singing through my head the entire appointment, "I won't give you more, more than you can take. And I might let you bend, but I won't let you break. And I'll never let you go. Don't forget what I said."  There is such power in those words. And yes there are days when I wake up thinking about the what if's but I surrender daily and give those worries to our God, who takes them from us. 


After our Lake House vacation to Pennsylvania :) our family of 3 has an appointment with a Cardiology team to look in detail at our Girl's heart. They will be able to tell us more about the VSDs and what it may look like if the tears do not heal on their own. At our last appointment we were reassured that she will not need to be hooked up to tubes, or sent to ICU because of the VSDs it might just mean an extra once over and EKG of her heart before we are released to go home with our daughter. (Oh the excitment, when I heard those words... perspective :) And my very literal husband asked, "On a scale of 1 to 10 how critical is this issue? Maybe a 2 or a 3?" Don't you love him? The Dr. said, "No, more like a 1.5" Okay perspective #2. 


Our Daughter is going to be okay.... we are being stretched, when after last summer we didn't think we could be stretched any thinner. But I am comfortable with the stretching. God is drawing us to Him and creating us to be the family He desires. 


We are so thankful for the prayers of family and friends. We are praying for that Cardiology appointment on August 6th. We are praying for healing and that we would see no VSDs. But until then we are giving thanks that every 3 weeks we have been able to see our daughter grow and dance around when we meet with these specialists. Perspective #3. 

Bless the Lord, Oh my Soul! 

          

21 Weeks

 

Thanks Aunt Megan for the (picky) pictures! :) 

 Yes, the belly has officially POPPED!

How far along? 21 Weeks. This summer is flying by! I cannot imagine how fast the last few months will go by when school starts again. 

Maternity clothes? 1/2 and 1/2. Thank goodness for Summer. I am definitely going maternity shopping this week. My belly has popped a lot this week.
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: The past few nights I have been waking up feeling quite uncomfortable in my stomach. Lots of pressure, which means I have been tossing and turning a lot.
Miss Anything? Wine. I promise I'm not a lush, but I did enjoy a glass of red wine to relax every now and then. The summer is making me miss it more.
Movement: Oh my goodness! This girl has been going crazy! I am so excited that we get to see her again on Tuesday. I can only imagine the somersaults she will be doing, dancing around for us on the sonogram.
Food cravings: Chips and salsa again. This week my goal is to get back on the paleo wagon. Headed to the grocery store tomorrow.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Raw meat. Stink... my gag reflex is still at an all time high.
Gender:  Baby GIRL!!!
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: Some pains. I am attributing them to growing pains. Lots of stretching going on. I am hoping this growth spurt is the cause of the restlessness during the night and will cease soon. I am hopeful...
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: So happy! This week has been great! Lots of exciting things took place in Little Girl's room. We got a few pieces of her bedding from my inlaws. It is so fun to walk in and see some color in her crib and think about a little baby laying in there. I cannot wait!

Best moment this week: Daddy got to feel her kick!!!!! :) For weeks I have been laying his hands on my stomach while we've been watching TV but he couldn't feel anything. But this week she was VERY active and he got to feel her twice. All of the sudden, "Whoa!" He felt it and started giggling uncontrollably! He couldn't stop for like 5 minutes. So there we were Tom giggling and me crying! I couldn't help it. I was just so happy he finally could feel our little girl and experience the gift I have been feeling for weeks. It makes it so real, to know, and feel what she is doing in there. This was the best moment so far in the pregnancy!
Looking forward to: Tuesday's appointment! Tuesday will mark 3 weeks from the original diagnosis of Baby Girl's VSDs on her heart. We will get to see her again in a sonogram and they will be able to check and see if the tears have healed. If not we will check back again in another 3 weeks. Over the past few weeks I have had such a peace about this. I can feel your prayers over our girl and have truly felt God's grace and been able to appreciate each day and see it as a gift. Thank you for all of the love and support. 

This Sunday Tom, my sister and I will leave for my Aunt's lake house in Pennsylvania. We are anxious to get away and spend some time relaxing before the school year takes off. This will be our girl's 2nd plane ride and my Aunt got us special seating due to a certain pregnancy! :) Hey, I'll take it! 

We will be soaking in the last few weeks of summer here in this house! The school year is quickly approaching. And my anxiety is rising... many, many changes this year on top of pregnancy. Good thing I love my job! Happy Summer Y'all!

20 Weeks: Halfway

 Some rather LARGE views from the top...

How far along? 20 Weeks!!! 

Total weight gain: 8 lbs. Maybe a bit more.
Maternity clothes? 1/2 and 1/2. Thank goodness for Summer. I have been lounging around in workout clothes and Daddy's basketball shorts. (Hence the lack of full body belly shot) The break and the heat don't provide many opportunities to get all gussied up. I will be on the hunt for some back to school maternity wear soon.
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: I am actually sleeping really well still! Started trying to sleep on my left side has been a bit of a challenge. As an avid "back sleeper" I usually wake flat on my back.
Miss Anything? Margaritas. It just sounds so refreshing on these hot summer nights. Fro yo and coconut milk ice cream have been filling that void.
Movement: More and more! I feel so lucky to have already felt her move this far in the pregnancy. She is crazy right after dinners and after anything sweet. I love feeling her little feet kick softly against my stomach... I know eventually these flutters will turn into drop kicks to the ribs! I can't help but smile imagining her tumbling around :)
Food cravings: Sweets. I am usually not a sweets eater, more of a salty girl, but this week I have been wanting the sugar. Last night I made some delicious Paleo dark chocolate banana bread! So delicious.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Raw meat. Stink... my gag reflex is still at an all time high.
Gender:  Baby GIRL!!!
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: Some pains. I am attributing them to growing pains. My doctor said so far everything was still below the belly button at week 19 but I am starting to feel the stretching again.
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: This has been a great week! I am so happy and getting more and more excited to meet this baby bird! I love getting to know her and feel like her personality is showing already through her crazy acrobats. Get ready daddy... we've got a wild one!
Looking forward to: The bedding coming in! My AMAZING in- laws spoiled us with buying our entire bedding set from Pottery Barn! It was on back order until the end of this month so each day I have been waiting for a call or for the doorbell to ring. I cannot wait to put it in the crib! Then we can start planning all of the fun details. Girls are so much fun!

 (Got some new chalkboard pens :) 

I love that at Week  20 she has started to hear! What an Amazing God we have!

Best moment this week: My first chalk paint experience! After daddy went to work the animals and I started painting baby girl's dresser and rocking chair. Both pieces were a laminate wood which would not adhere with a regular gloss paint and after researching, chalk paint was the only solution. Both just need a sealant coat and they are finished! :) 

On multiple occasions I have been doing something in the kitchen and Tom disappears. I find him in the nursery. When I ask him what he's doing he responds, "Just looking around admiring." So sweet... what a good daddy! And I am no different. I walk in at least a dozen times a day whether to just look or to sit in the rocking chair praying for you or reading. We cannot wait to meet you sweet girl!  

My sister put on her big girl pants and went to register at Buy Buy Baby with me this week. Holy moly.... talk about overwhelming. There were no break downs or stress induced diarrhea which both happened to friends, but there was many feelings floating around with a side order of hormones. There are just SO many options. So after 2 1/2 hours of standing, walking and scanning, we treated ourselves to some delicious Mexican food and all was well. It is so fun to think about a pink squishy baby in all of that fun stuff.

Hello sneaky kitty! Tucker thinks the changing pad is his own personal bed.

We go back to the specialist next Tuesday, the 24th. It will have been 3 weeks since they saw the VSDs on her heart. And we are praying big that they have healed. We trust in God's plan for our sweet girl and for our family and for the outcome. In every moment like this that we have experienced in the past year, year and half, I am ever so thankful for the love of Jesus. When I succumb to feelings of doubt and try to take on the worry myself, it is so freeing to give it to God and know that I do not need to worry. It has already been decided! And in all circumstances Tom and I give thanks for this gift we have been given! 

One detail has already been added in the nursery. (Gotta love Pinterest ideas & chalkboard paint)

Baby Girl, 

Do you know how loved you are already? You have so many people praying for your growth, and for God to heal your tiny heart. There are so many people who are waiting anxiously to squeeze and snuggle you. You are one spoiled girl already. Not only by me and your daddy but by the entire family. Each time someone comes to visit there is usually a little surprise for you. Your daddy loves you so much. He is so proud of your room so far, beaming with pride when your crib was finally set up. He wants only the best for you already, thinking of your safety while you sleep. We cannot wait to see you again next Tuesday and see how much you have grown. We love you Baby Bird!

I cannot wait to see those baby buns in those sweet ruffles. Thanks Aunt Megan! (for the blankie too!)

Zebra lovey... LOVEY! From Grandma and the Sweet Hat from Aunt Christie.

LOVE shopping for little girls! :)

19 Weeks

How far along? 19 Weeks

Total weight gain: 8 lbs. Updated at the last doctor's appointment. I like the Dr's scale better :)
Maternity clothes? 1/2 and 1/2. Pre pregnancy clothes are getting a bit tighter, and I may have to break down and buy my own maternity pants, especially since school is coming up.
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: I am actually sleeping really well. Now in the middle of the 2nd trimester I do not feel the nap everyday. Although I am not waking up early for school. Sleeping in until 8:30 or 9 everyday is quite nice. I am loving the summertime.
Best moment this week: Painting the nursery, buying and setting up the crib but most of all seeing the look on Tom's face when it was all set up in the room! :) Next on the schedule... re painting the dresser. It will be my first painting experience with chalk paint.
Miss Anything? Iced coffee. I am drinking some decaf drinks when I am craving Starbucks.
Movement: Oh yeah! This girl is a mover and a shaker! She is definitely a jumping bean. Hopefully Tom will be able to feel it on the outside, he may be a little jealous.
Food cravings: Anything crunchy. Chips and salsa for sure. I am into sandwiches right now. I am trying not to eat too many, and if I do I am heating the meat up. Trying hard to make paleo meals at home.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Raw meat. Stink... my gag reflex is still at an all time high.
Gender:  Baby GIRL!!!
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: Some Round Ligment pains. If I sit in one position for too long and then move, there are some small pains. But they are short and not bad.
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Not moody, per say..just emotional.  Friday was bad. I was tired and for no reason started to feel really moody. I didn't want Tom to go to work and felt lonely. I watched the vow, which made things worse and then had a good cry when the movie was over, then it was time to put this preggo to bed. I was fine the next morning. Silly hormones!
Looking forward to: Putting the fun decor in the nursery. Now that the crib and painting is finished, we can do the fun stuff. I am excited to start thinking about the decor. I am having a ball cruising pinterest and etsy for ideas. I love little girls! 

Especially this Baby Bird! :) 

Dear Baby Bird,

Okay silly mama has a confession to make about this bib. I have had this bib for about 2 1/2 years. I actually bought it for my girlfriend when she found out she was having a girl, but I could not bring myself to give it away. So I tucked it away in a box. Somehow it made its way to my Kindergarten classroom, stayed there for a year and then was tucked away after last summer with your brother. I anxiously awaited seeing it again when we found out we were pregnant with you in March.  My fingers traced over the stitching and beautiful words, thinking how special it would be to raise a daughter. I am so blessed, Baby Girl, you have my heart already. I feel our bond growing each time I feel you moving around inside my tummy. And I am only feeling a fraction of your somersaults so far.  You are going to be one lucky girl.

Mommy and Daddy love you so much! :) 

Happy 19 Weeks.

It's all about Perspective

We had been anxiously awaiting our 18 week gender, anatomy appointment with our specialist. We were told that with a good view we would find out FOR SURE if our baby bird was a girl or a boy. Each appointment brings a new set of nerves and feelings, and I find myself constantly surrendering those thoughts minute by minute on the day of the appointment. 

My nerves we put at ease when that sweet body popped on the sono screen moving more than she ever had before. As we watched her dance all across the screen, twisting and turning away from the sonographer they were measuring each part of her little body. A spread eagle view confirmed, in fact, that she is a..... BABY GIRL! Not very lady like, but it left no guessing so we were very happy. 

The first 40 minutes were full of great news, everything is measuring right on track. But the last few minutes took a turn which we did not see coming. When the specialist was looking at a close up of Baby Girl's heart she saw a minor complication. There were two little tears in the muscle between the chambers of her heart. They are called Muscular VSDs (ventricular septal defects). When she started talking and I heard a heart complication my mind raced back to last summer when we sat in the same room, with the same doctor, and received news that was hard to hear. She reassured us that she was confident that the tears would heal themselves and not to worry. Easier said than done...

Tom could not be at the appointment due to a rescheduled firearms training, so after the appointment I was left driving and was all alone. Alone with my thoughts, my worst enemy. I reached the car barely holding it together, and then fell apart. There was something wrong with our baby's heart. The tears flowed and the dark memories of last summer haunted my thoughts. Then I remembered the hope I have and that God is completely in control. Each and every turn is already planned out, there are no surprises. So in the midst of the burning tears, I prayed and I surrendered it all. There was no point in trying to think about the what ifs and what could bes... or being in my own thoughts, so I gave it all to God and PRAYED.... and then the tears stopped. Not the kind where you're left with a few stragglers, but they abruptly stopped and there was peace. I rested in knowing that I am not in control. 

If there is anything that God has taught me and that I have learned from the struggles of the past year it is that it is all about perspective, how you look at things. I could choose to focus on the difficult news or choose to focus on the positives. 

Here's to perspective...

• We WILL deliver a baby girl this November. 
• We WILL have a daughter (goosebumps)
• Her heart IS beating, it just needs to grow a bit stronger. Keep doing those handstands Baby Girl and strengthen those muscles. 
• Her kidneys ARE healthy :) The best news! 
• She IS a mover, I feel her move multiple times throughout the day. She would not sit still for the sonographer.

It is a daily battle, a daily sacrifice surrendering it all to God. I want to make it better but there is nothing I can do that is in my control. And to be honest; I feel freedom in that. It is all about the perspective. 


Please join me in praying for our sweet daughter. Pray for healing. That the Muscular VSDs would heal and the tiny tears will disappear in the next sonogram. We go back to the specialist in 3 weeks to see if the tears have healed. If not, they will wait another 3 weeks, and after those 6 weeks if the tears are still visible we will be sent to a cardiologist. There is power in prayer. Please join us in praying for healing. Thank you sweet friends. We love you! 

Tom, Katie and Baby Girl

*********************************************************************************

Update: We went to our monthly appointment with our OB and she was able to go over the specialist's report in detail and give us a copy of the report and more information about the VSDs. She said that she believes the tears will heal on their own. We went in for our half way, gender reveal, appointment at 18 weeks which is really not halfway. She said because this was a bit early and if we would have waited the tears may have never showed up at 20 weeks because this would allow further development. Some doctors will not do these appointments until 22 weeks for this reason, small defects show up in the earlier stages causing worry, which would have been avoided with a later appointment. 

The OB also said that similar, or more severe tears show up in certain cases where babies may have disorders such as Down Syndrome or Trisonomy 13, but we tested 100% negative for each of these syndromes which also leads her to believe that the muscle requires further development. More good news. 

Everything else in the heart is healthy. Four chambers, the blood flow is perfect. The muscle just needs to heal. We believe in healing around here folks :) 

Baby girls heartbeat was strong, and she was doing all she could to dodge that heart rate wand. She's a mover :) We love you sweet girl.