Weekending

 This week Tom and I realized how lucky we are to live near family. Last week my cousin went into labor a few weeks early and my mom went up to Oklahoma to be with her when she delivered her son, sweet Cooper. She usually watches Brynn half a day on Thursdays and all day Friday and when she left we were left scrambling for someone to watch our girl. Family to the rescue.... Tom's sister watched her on Thursday morning and my dad, Brynn's Papa, watched her on Friday. We are so grateful to have people who will step in and help us out when we are in a bind.... so thankful! Here she is on Friday headed to Papa's house bright and early.

Friday night the 3 of us headed to dinner with some sweet friends from our church Homegroup. They invited us over for crawfish. Brynn had a ball with their 9 months old daughter. (No pictures.. bad mama).

Brynn has found her voice this past week. And by voice I mean screech.... this is what I woke up to on Saturday. I have been singing to her a lot lately, making up songs for everything. I like to say this is her singing voice. I would rather wake up to this than fussing anyday.

 We spent Saturday morning playing...

 and shopping... I am dreaming sweet, warm, sunny dreams of our girl splashing in the pool this summer. We already have plans to visit my Aunt's lakehouse in Pennsylvania in early June. I can't wait to see her little hiney in these ruffles. 

Saturday night was Lasagna night over at Memaw's and with the rest of the family. Brynn was passed around and was the center of the party. Her Auntie's can't get enough of her.

Here's my little nugget rockin' her new pink skinnies. I adore the pastel colors. I may have bought her a pair in mint green as well. So much fun shopping for her.

Mama had a late night Girls Night and finally got to watch the new Twilight movie.... amazing! 

Sunday morning brought a blowout and an early morning bath. We took advantage of the moment and Brynn had her first "big girl" bath! She graduated from the puj tub and LOVED it! She was kicking and splashing. She had a blast.

Mama had big plans for the day. We were going to hit up a consignment sale in town but I couldn't resist a lazy day full of snuggles. I complain over and over about never having a day with nothing to do. So I ceased the moment and snuggled on the couch with these sweetcheeks. A 2 hour nap for this mama was amazing, but now leaves me wide awake at midnight. I wouldn't trade my lazy Sunday for anything.

One more week until Spring Break... 

This family of 3 has some big plans- some still in the works. Until then one day at a time.

Living for the weekends.

The Ultimate Girls Day

I was reminded yesterday of all the amazing women I have surrounding me. Girlie errands, text messages, phone calls, and lots of sweet hugs were just what this mama needed to calm her nerves about the upcoming week. God has placed so many amazing, Godly women in my life. My heart is overwhelmed by how blessed our family truly is. I am so proud that Brynn will be able to call these women Nana, Auntie, "Aunts," friends...

After our new "due date" my mom and sister said to get ready, Saturday was going to be our last Girls Day B.B! Before Brynn. The day was jam packed with lots of fun to dos.

8:30- Breakfast with Mom, or Nana, at Swirl Bakery!

(Dominated some delicious sugar biscuits)

9:30- Planned meeting with potential Cleaning Lady- no show. My mom is giving us the ultimate pre delivery present... a deep down cleaning of the house with a maid service! Holy cow! This mama squealed with delight from the news.

10:00- Pedicures a la Nana! Splurged with a manicure as well! Pretty in Pink for our Baby Girl.

Mr. H and I were scheduled for our nephews birthday party at noon but my sweet sister in law gave us the go ahead to stay home due to all the little germies crawling on every crevice at Chuck E Cheese. Mr H got to sleep in, much needed to him and it allowed the girls day to commence.

11:30- Lunch with Grandpa A, my dad and a co worker at Baris

12:00- Girly errands gallore! Kohl's, Babies R Us, Target and Jo Ann's... Oh My!

This was at Target. My feet were aching and the contractions were screaming. I was sure this baby was going to drop out of me with each step. Soooo worth it for the loot that we came home with.

 Brynn doesn't know how blessed she is. Between a few leftover giftcards from showers, and the kindness of Nana and Auntie M we came home with enough baby clothes for this mama to do one more load of laundry! Bring on the Dreft... We are stocked with Baby's First Thanksgiving onesies since she will be making a pre turkey day debut.

I decided to go home and rest. Mr H demanded a nap on the couch while our Fighting Texas Aggies laid the SMACK DOWN on Alabama. Whoooop! I obliged.. the couch never felt so good.

The day wasn't over. In High School I was blessed enough to meet some of the best girls who are still some of the closest friends. They invited me to join their Accountability Group with Mrs. Holly, one of the most kind hearted, Godly, women I know. After a last minute Facebook message all 6 of us met up for pizza and good conversation. I love these women!

(Yikes, a whole day on your feet will swell a mama good!)



Like I said, I am so blessed! This was the best (most exhausting) day but it was just what I needed to remind me of the blessing He has bestowed on my life.

The Utmost Thanks

 Bless the Lord, O my soul

O my soul

Worship His holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning

It's time to sing Your song again

Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me

Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name
Lord, I'll worship Your holy name

Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name
Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name
I'll worship Your holy name

I wrote about our Girl's heart in a past blog post, and this Tuesday we went to our 3 week follow up appointment with the specialist to check on her heart. We had been praying for peace and healing and that we would not see those nasty VSDs on our sweet baby's heart when she popped up on the screen. Unfortunately the tears were still there on the heart between the left and right side. 

Last appointment I felt the wind knocked out of me upon receiving the news, with flashbacks to last summer. But this time there was no sadness, but a peace. A peace in knowing that our God knows the path for our daughter. There was no stress of what if this happens or that, but a trusting in the news and knowing God's plan is better than the one we had for ourselves. And come on, who could be sad when they just showed us a sonogram of a dancing baby girl and a sweet 4 cm baby foot?!? 


The Lord's promise was singing through my head the entire appointment, "I won't give you more, more than you can take. And I might let you bend, but I won't let you break. And I'll never let you go. Don't forget what I said."  There is such power in those words. And yes there are days when I wake up thinking about the what if's but I surrender daily and give those worries to our God, who takes them from us. 


After our Lake House vacation to Pennsylvania :) our family of 3 has an appointment with a Cardiology team to look in detail at our Girl's heart. They will be able to tell us more about the VSDs and what it may look like if the tears do not heal on their own. At our last appointment we were reassured that she will not need to be hooked up to tubes, or sent to ICU because of the VSDs it might just mean an extra once over and EKG of her heart before we are released to go home with our daughter. (Oh the excitment, when I heard those words... perspective :) And my very literal husband asked, "On a scale of 1 to 10 how critical is this issue? Maybe a 2 or a 3?" Don't you love him? The Dr. said, "No, more like a 1.5" Okay perspective #2. 


Our Daughter is going to be okay.... we are being stretched, when after last summer we didn't think we could be stretched any thinner. But I am comfortable with the stretching. God is drawing us to Him and creating us to be the family He desires. 


We are so thankful for the prayers of family and friends. We are praying for that Cardiology appointment on August 6th. We are praying for healing and that we would see no VSDs. But until then we are giving thanks that every 3 weeks we have been able to see our daughter grow and dance around when we meet with these specialists. Perspective #3. 

Bless the Lord, Oh my Soul! 

          

Hopeful Hearts

Since Mr. H and I have moved into our new house we have been most excited about finally attending the Village church on a consistant basis. We didn't make the Saturday night service which meant Sunday morning I woke up, fighting the urge to stay in bed and snuggle with Mr. H, and headed to chuch on my own. I really wanted to stay under the covers but I am so glad I went with a detour to stop for my new fav. drink {iced coffee, coconut sweetner with heavy whipping cream}.

I was nervous as ever to go to church with all these crazy hormones and all. I thought I would be a blubbering mess. And I was going to have to sit by myself. Instant hormone booster: Alone and a blubbering mess.... not good. In my last blog I talked about God's perfect timing and Sunday morning I experienced this as soon as I walked through the Village doors. The power point that plays before the sermon begins showed a slide about the Hopeful Hearts Ministry. This ministry provides support for women who have either lost a child or are suffering from infertility. {God has perfect timing.} I sat there by myself thinking how wonderful it is that there is a ministry that provides this kind of support. I consider myself kind of outgoing, more so a joiner when I have a friend to go with, so I didn't know how I felt about attending yet. Seconds later I found out that my parents were at the same church service so I no longer had to sit by myself. {Perfect timing x 2.}

I made it through the service without blubbering too loud :) Sunday and all day Monday my mind kept returning to the Hopeful Hearts meeting that night. I wanted to go and decided to tell Mr. H and my mom about it so they could keep me accountable for going. Mr. H incouraged me to go and my mom felt the same way. That evening arrived and with nerves and sweaty palms I pulled into the parking lot. Wonderful... only two cars were in the parking lot. My natural instinct was to turn right around and go home. Especially since it was Mr. H's night off. I fought the urge and opened the door, I mean I had already drove all the way there. As I walked in I was instantly so glad I stayed.

Within ten minutes the room began to fill and I was surrounded by 15 women, some in the same circumstances having lost a child but some suffering with infertility. I felt so comforted to be surrounded by women who, without even knowing my name, were so kind because me being there meant I was grieving in a similar way as they were. When the meeting began we shared our stories, some full of sorrow and tears but others were celebrating because they had overcome the battle of infertility. As the meeting ended I felt like I had gained 15 new friends, women who would be praying for our family and for our healing. I think I was nervous to go to the meeting because I thought I would feel sad when I left, but I left with a feeling I had not felt this far. I felt thankful.

Many women there were battling infertility and spending thousands of dollars on fertility shots that in turn were only causing more pain; physically and emotionally. I felt thankful that we are able to get pregnant. And even though that joy was taken we will be able to have a baby one day.
Just not now.

Like I said, God's timing is perfect. Even if His timing is not my own. With Hopeful Hearts, His timing was my own and I am so happy I listened.

"God is near to the brokenhearted, He will rescue those crushed in spirit." Psalms 34:18

I have been trying to decide if I was going to create a post or just let it be... moving on from the past week and a half. I'm working through the emotions and feel like each time I talk and let it out it makes it a bit easier to feel these feelings. I think I've started and stopped this post multiple times... anyway here it goes.

In the last post I told you we had our doctor's appointment to reveal the sex of Baby H. During the sonogram the ultra sound technician discovered that our sweet baby had cysts on one of it's little kidneys. At 16 weeks the baby's kidneys begin to function on their own and due to the cysts, Baby H's kidneys were not functioning or producing any fluid around it's body. She told us the baby had Poly Cystic Kidney Disease. The news crushed my soul. And I felt my heart sink. Our doctor had scheduled us to see a prenatal specialists the next morning and the 15 hour waiting game until our appointment seemed to creep by.

The next morning my sweet husband, my mom and I went to the appointment. That morning, has been the hardest, emotionally draining day in my life thus far. The appointment revealed that our baby had cysts on both kidneys; it was infact Multi Cystic Kidney Disease. Because the cysts were on both kindeys and no fluid was being produced, there would be no lung development which is fatal. Fatal- the hardest, heart peircing word. I crumbled. The hardest news was still to come.

While dealing with the news that my dream of becoming a mother and starting a family with Mr. H were no more, we had to decide which path we would take. In order to recieve the most information and know if this was something genetic between us or just some 1 in a 1,000 bad luck we were checked in to the hospital 2 days later and I delivered Baby H at 18 weeks on Friday June 17th, 2010. I will keep the events of that day private and close to my heart. It was the most heart breaking, life changing but spiritual experience.

Ok... phew the hard facts are out.

So here we are in the aftermath, working through the emotions and feelings that come with losing a child. I am unsure about a lot of things and I know I may be for a while but there are a lot of things that were made clear to me that I discovered in the loss.

I married the most caring man in the world. He is truly tailor made for me. Through the heartache and mountains of tissues. I have fallen head over heals in love with Mr. H again. He has surprised me with his tenderness and selflessness over the past week and been there for me in ways that have left me speechless. God gave me this man knowing that we would face this heartache together and he would be just what I needed in every single way.

God's timing is perfect. In a situation like this I have to rely on my faith and believe that this is in Gods hands and His timing is perfect. His timing may not agree with my own desires but I am trying with all my might to trust in this truth. We may not understand now, or in a few years. But through other struggles that have passed I believe that one day, one small thing will happen and we will see that God's timing was in fact perfect.

We have some of the most loyal and loving family and friends. We have been wrapped in the prayers and love of our sweet friends and family near and far. It's so encouraging to know that we have people in our lives that will pick us up when times are hard and provide us with anything we need. We have been living off meals from family and friends since last Thursday, we are full of good food and the love they have given us. Thank you so much!

I am trusting in those 3 truths and relying on those when the days get hard. There are good days when I can laugh and feel like myself but of course the times are hard when I remember the heartache or can start crying over the silliest thing. I am hoping some of this may even out when the hormones balance out. Let the healing begin...

Popcorn Trees & Spring Break

Spring has Sprung in Texas! The weather isn't quite warm enough for me yet but the temperatures keep climbing higher and higher. The sunshine is also blooming some of my favorite trees, Bradford Pears. I love the white blossoms and trees that look like clouds which line the streets.


Walking out to recess one day we passed a Bradford Pear tree and one of my sweet Kinder babies yelled out, "Look! A popcorn tree!" How perfect.... my heart was happy and from now on I will call them Popcorn Trees.

Spring has also spring in our backyard. Mr. H may feel the opposite of me because it means edging and mowing the lawn now that the grass is no longer dormant. I am loving all of the blooms which reminds me daily of God's creation and beauty.

Here are some of the pansies my mom and I planted this fall. I thought they had died with the snow storms we had this winter, but they are more perky than ever!

We have a real Pear Tree in our backyard. It just started blooming this week! I cannot wait for some juicy pears to appear. Bring on the Pear Crumbles....


These crazy looking blooms intrigue me. I am curious to see what they turn into. Right now they look like crazy green caterpillars crawling out of the branches.


School is out and Spring Break has started. This is just one of the million reasons I love being a teacher, we still get Spring Break! :) My beautiful college roommate, Jenna, came to visit us. I finally got to meet her adorable baby girl, Anleigh Jo. I had so much fun catching up with these girls and Jenna's mom and sister.

Ready to shop the Allen Outlet Mall... what a sweet girl!

And why in the world are there no pictures of me and Jenna?!? I don't have an answer, we will just have to get together sooner than later. I feel so blessed to call her my friend. She is the best mother and I am so grateful for a friendship like hers.

Spring Break is off to a great start and it will only get better! :) I wish you love, sunshine and a whole lotta "Popcorn Trees!"

Camp Mineola

Hallelujah........... insert the singing chorus here. Me and my mister finally went camping. This December will mark our 6th year anniversary- well dating that is. And I believe of those six years one year may have been spent begging the hubs to take me camping. After 5 days of relaxing during my Thanksgiving break and working on my holiday decor me, the boy, four friends and two bigger than life Texas trucks took off for Mineola, Texas. Don't ask me where it is or how we get there. All that I know is I saw the signs for Canton, my mecca, and pleaded for a detour.

My sweet officer didn't make much of a copilot running on a mere 4 hours of sleep after the midnight shift so I belted out some Christmas carols to make the drive go by faster. We made a pit stop at Mr. B's BBQ pit and this place had some chow which was "slap your mother-in-law good." Mr H's words. Then we pulled into Mineola. Our friend's family owns 70 acres so we had the place to ourselves; just the coyotes and creepy crawlies to keep us company.

We finally got to set up our tent which was a wedding present. Circa March 2009

Coordinating Camo

The men on their way to spotlight. What you ask? Let's just say that one's husband, maybe the one in the camo jacket decided to shoot a skunk which aimed it's delightful stench at just the right angle to keep us company all night. Make me proud...

The ladies holding it down at the fire pit.

It was a beautiful day spent with great friends. As soon as that sun went down, the temperatures dropped just a quick. The mummy bags were a great success, I was actually hot. There wasn't anything I would rather be doing then spending time with my man, our friends and the great outdoors. I am so excited to plan our next camping trip. Hopefully it won't take another 6 years to convince this silly boy to go again.

Great day when you can drop in a line while brushing the pearlies...

Love Mr. H

Turkey Trot

In order to prepare for the two Thanksgiving feasts that me and my mister attend each year me and a few friends from Grapevine Crossfit went to run the Turkey Trot this year. After living in Texas since kindergarten I'm a bit embarrassed to say this was my first trot. After the festivities and the company of great friends I think I may be a repeat offender.

There were only a few brave souls from the gym that braved the 40 degree temperatures. Decked out in some pretty sweet turkey headbands, if I do say so myself...

Love my friends.

They were really excited about the headbands.

Love these ladies.

Knowing now about the rain and the cold wind during the trot I maybe.... would've stayed in bed snuggled all cozy next to my slumbering officer. But I definitely did not feel as guilty while eating a roll during the Farrell Feast. Happy Thanksgiving Y'all! :) Hope you had a great day with your families.

Winos for a Day

Grapevine's Grapefest

Here's to sweet friends ...

Good looking men (especially the one in the plaid)...

Good wine shared with friends...

Lots of laughs...

And Beautiful Texas Women!!! :)